When I say I don’t believe in love

When I say I don’t believe in love, I mean I have performed violence on the stage and most of my best acts started with I love yous and ended with sorrys.

When I say I don’t believe in love, I mean I can’t hear your existence over the war raging in my bones that is usually passed from to father to son. I mean I don’t have the tenderness it takes.

When I say I don’t believe in love, I mean I would rather cut my own toungue with my own teeth and swollow it, skin myself before belonging to someone.

When I say I don’t believe in love, I mean I am not spineless as those who do but never admit.

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On death.

I want to write about them but what kind of girl writes about dead? What kind of girl mourns for the people she never met for years? What kind of girl discredits the living, the beauty of nature and glorifies the decaying skin? What kind of girl questions god the holy god your god and believe in death? What kind of girl declares death as her god?

Artist of embalming

Even after I manage to write something good, you’ll find me frantically going through it in the early mornings, trying to make it look beautiful.
Cross a word there, no it’s synonym looks much prettier. Like how for a funeral, you dress the corpse in the best clothes, put on make up to hide the dried pale skin, wipe the blood and gore.
For me, writing is like making corpses look pretty.

There’s this boy

And your teeth marks are traced on my collar bones and I want to trace your lips so badly again but there’s this boy whose eyes talk to me in waves.
I want our tangled bodies back in the ashes but there’s this boy whose laughter sounds like hope.
And my lips quiver for the bottles but there’s this boy who makes me get out of my head.
And I want to destroy myself again so badly but there’s this boy whose touch feels like healing.
And glass shards and knives and thorns stick out of my body but there’s this boy who smells like summer.
And you were my home but there’s this boy who promises road trips and flowers.
You made me yours and of chaos and cold but there’s this boy who would let me run wild.