Recondite 

Ever since I remember love, trust and prayer have left a bad taste in my mouth. Your god has taken every human relationship from me and twisted and turned it into something I can’t decipher anymore. 

Your love has left me dancing on the floor, knee to ashes, unable to tell what is my mine and what is other’s that I have scooped out. 

Your trust has left my mouth sewn because how can you explain why can’t you trust anymore beside this thing screaming screaming screaming inside of you. How can you explain the silence when this thing is clawing clawing clawing your insides.

Your belief has left my hands cuffed in prayer and I have always failed to pretend and this thing inside of me is immune immune immune of your sacred practises. 

Your humanity has left me chipping the dried blood off my hands and neck and toe nails and my memories are all mixed up and I can’t remember anything but I have stopped questioning a long time ago. And you can’t blame me because I had warned you I take and take and don’t, can’t leave anything good behind.

Altered. 

Where everyone was coating themselves with glitter and smiles, just to feel wanted. 

I coated myself with the sand of the burial ground of my past and lies. Just to hide in plain sight.

From lust. Lust. Lust

I roamed the streets alone,hair pulled up with  barbed wire. As if the blood dripping from my hands, filling the cracks wasn’t enough ; 

It left a reddish tint of rust. Rust. Rust.

I pulled the mask from the face of each person I met. Just to find out there was a gaping hole underneath. 

Faking your existence was a must. Must. Must

They thought my love was erratic, impulsive. So they asked me to show my heart. 

And found it was covered in dust. Dust. Dust

You told me my morals were corrupted. So I sneaked up on you on the drunk nights and took your good and turned it into bad. Bad. Bad.